Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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