I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
