just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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