I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
