So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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