yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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