It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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