This is not my ceiling
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
