dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Who died my cat blue again?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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