I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
