we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
