I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
