Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
