It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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