I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
its not stalking. its research.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
