she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
not ubering you a puppy
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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