when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
