the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
My balls are so social today.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
