it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Randomize
