I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
