Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
