sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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