doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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