She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
