he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
