Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
