Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
