nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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