i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
