I can tuck mytits in my pants
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
