I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
