i barfeds in our rink
i think i have two assholes
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
