Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
