Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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