Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
