just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
