I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
