He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
