He asked to "fluff my boner.."
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
