Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
