well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
