Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
