mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
