I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
