Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
When did angry sex become our thing?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
