I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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