my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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