I want to have your abortion
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
he was CRYING into my vagina
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
