69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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