why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
All I want is dick and wine.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
