dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
