to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
