The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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